How Many Times Have I Been Hated By Others?
…How many times have I been unknowingly hated?
How many times has someone looked at me and despised me simply because I am more petite than them?
…Or because I have dark hair?
…Or because I am exotic looking?
…Or because I am funny?
…Or maybe it’s because I display an air of confidence?
…Or that I have many accomplishments around my belt?
How many times have I been judged?
How many times have other couples fought over me simply because I exist?
How many times have I returned those same sentiments towards other women?
I have felt deep jealousy, hatred, and anger towards females because they are the complete opposite of me.
Or
I have felt threatened by other women because I felt as though they were better than me.
Or
Maybe I begin to obsess over them because I worry that they may be loved more by those that I love.
…If there was no competition, if there was no man or no other person in the middle between us, would I still feel threatened by these women?
Would I still feel anger towards them?
Or is there a possibility that I could actually embrace them as my friend? Could I ever come to the understanding that they may very well feel the same way that I do?
…Or are we both just too scared to admit our own fears out loud?
How is it we have allowed others the power to cause hate among others simply because we are different — or even the same?
How is it I can despise someone I have never encountered?
Why is it that every time a penis comes between me and another woman, I suddenly feel the urge to bring down another human being?
I need to remind myself that I am better than this. I am better than what I used to be.
Jealousy and insecurity have broken previous relationships of mine. So much so, I nearly killed myself over it.
A penis should never allow me to second guess myself.
I should never fight for the love of someone else.
I should never force someone to see my worth.
They should know it. They should see it.
Because I am beautiful.
I am loved.
I am needed.
I’m stronger than I think.
I am going to get through this.
And one year later, I am glad that I am alive.
